***Thumbs though playlist*** I need to summon the moment real quick... Ok. here we go... ***Presses Play*** Woman Like Me- Beyonce' http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=otn-TrGXISM
Now let's give a topic that will excite your intellectual crave.... Love... Ok, yea its an overused topic but what do you define as love? Is it a kiss? A hug? A gift on valentines day? Being there for someone when they are in trouble? Does it not exist? Is it a feeling or a state of mind? Maybe both? Is it a love between parent and child? brother and sister? Where is the line drawn between having love for someone, being in love, and being in love WITH the idea of being in love? Oh, so now I got you thinking... Proceed on...
I think that love is constructed on tiers. It has many different degrees depending on the situation and who you are loving or rather attempting to love. Like for example my love for my boyfriend Is waaaayyy different than a love I may have for one of my friends, whether they be male or female. The love I'm going to go into is love between two people that can stem from dating or however method you may have come together. THAT Love is like a friendship on fire... Its like having a deeper friendship with another person with the inclusion of intimacy... And that right there in my opinion seperates the difference between having love for someone, being in love, and being in love with the idea of being in love. If you're missing any of the elements of the aforememtioned definition it can dictate which one you have. If you have love for someone, that can just mean a deep friendship or just a basic friendship. If your in love with the idea of being in love that may just be intimacy or lust that you confuse with love. You believe that physical attraction and interaction serves as a sufficient foundation that you forget that love is way deeper than that. So, you end up forcing yourself to conjure up the idea that your in love when, reality is, you don't even have a friendship with your significant other to keep the relationship going. So, that when passion between you turns cold and when the sweat between the sheets dries up, you end up hurt because you tried to believe you had something that was never really there... I'm just saying.
And then.... There's really truly absolutely being in love. That is a complicated feeling beyond measure... Its like being on the same intellectual plane... Its being the first to be there when they need you... Its understanding that you can't change the other person and learning how to except all their flaws... Its never asking them to change the way they look, act, feel, and think... Its the understanding that not everytime you talk it will be grazed with LOL's and smiley faces.. Its learning how to entirely trust them when you can't be around them and knowing that they wouldn't violate your relationship... Its about mutually shedding a little of your ego so you can both grow together and move forward with each other... Its being able to put aside all sexual contact from time to time to actually have an intellectual conversation... Its letting each other indulge in their dreams even if it means putting your relationship on hold... Its knowing that they have the power to break your heart at ANY given moment but being confident enough that they will not do that... But I mean, thats my personal definition...
My point is whether or not you agree with my definition or analysis is quite your prerogative. My thing is, know what YOUR personal definition of love is so you can decipher if your in a healthy relationship or not. It can be the deciding factor of whether or not you should really be in that relationship. Know your parameters for love because that can play a pivotal role in categorizing who you love, who you settle for, and who you're meant for. Let that marinate. I know what my parameters are, do you? ***Steps off Soapbox***
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Committment
Someone told me this... And to this day... I'll never forget...
Committment
Committment is what transforms a promise into reality
It is the words that speak boldly of your intentions
It is the actions that speak louder than words
It is making time when THERE IS NONE
Coming through time after time after time
Year after year after year
Committment is the stuff that character is made of
It is the daily triumph and integrity over skepticism
Committment
Committment is what transforms a promise into reality
It is the words that speak boldly of your intentions
It is the actions that speak louder than words
It is making time when THERE IS NONE
Coming through time after time after time
Year after year after year
Committment is the stuff that character is made of
It is the daily triumph and integrity over skepticism
Saturday, July 31, 2010
In My Mental Asylum Of Thought Again...
Today was something a little more than any other day. It was hot but somehow a perfect balance between humidity and heat. I did 2 things I haven't done in ages: 1. Sat on my porch and 2. did some cross-stitch work. I found a picture that I didn't finish cross-stitching from almost 5 years ago. It made me think about how I was losing things that I used to love. And not material things such as those that were stolen away from me this week: i.e. my cell phones, laptop, credit cards, clothes, or shoes. But rather, the hobbies I loved indulging in like learning, reading, cross-stitching, sewing, singing, poetry writing, dreaming, star-gazing, planning, and thinking. Yea, those things. It seems as though I'm letting life consume me rather than consuming the joys of life. I guess my priorities fell off a little. That can be fixed.
Anywayz, I took my cross-stitching, pen, and paper to the one place I knew I could think: a park. I write the best when I'm in my own mental asylum of thoughts. So, I sat on the swings as I cross-stitched as I stared at the blank piece of paper on the ground. I was brainstorming the most significant thing I would be writing of my college career. Not a dissertation, paper, final, none of that. It was my letter I was drafting to convince Temple University administration as to why they should grant my request of being commencement speaker at the 2011 graduation ceremony.
Its not a request that I thought of one day to put on any resume' or something that I seek for personal gain, but rather a dream of mine that I've had for some years that means more to me than my college diploma. It's moreso a gesture to represent all the "wars" that we, as students, have fought on a daily basis. These "wars" are ones that no personal statement can summarize. I started thinking about all this after an in-depth Gchat convo I had with one of my good friends who now resides in London. We shared personal experiences that a merely a small representation of what students go through everyday. And if he ever reads this, I thank him for being one of the reasons as to why I decided to start this venture on this day.
Now, my dilemma in starting this letter was how to catch the attention of administration. There are so many things I can and want to say but all I could think about was my purpose in achieving this feat. My GPA isn't stellar and my academic history isn't spectacular, but I have convinced myself I am the appropriate person to deliver this speech. I am the first out of all childhood friends to graduate with a university diploma. In my close to 23 years, I have seen enough to start my own reality show. I have been exposed through teaching elementary and high school kids the realities of life. I have experienced funerals for many friends that were simply trying to make it. I have survived abuses in all 3 categories, mental, physical, and emotional. I have been affected by women just like me. One example I remember is the Spring 2010 semester when me and Gina were talking about how happy we were that grant writing class (a VERY intense class) was over and how we were so close to graduation. I remember laughing about how I had one more semester and she had 3 more weeks from graduation. I remember saying "Congrats in advance. I'll see you in class next week". And you know what? The following week I was hysterically crying with my peers because Gina was shot by her abusive ex-boyfriend the weekend following our conversation. I walked out the classroom early and seen another of my peers crying and telling me that could've been her because she is in the SAME EXACT situation. Gina never got the chance to walk across that stage and its hard to swallow because she is one of many that I personally knew that never made it to their college graduation.
I remember shedding tears for the unknown. It could've been out of worry, people who let me down when I really needed them, financial hardship, how and IF I was going to school the next semester, or simply how I was going to eat that week. Many of those times I experienced. I remember having to fight other people's battles while fighting my own. I was the strong person for all my friends, their source of encouragement, or the muse for hope to make it even though in my time of solitude I wasn't even strong for myself. I even physically saved my best friend from her abusive boyfriend. And thats my reality.
And its interesting because these are only a FEW reasons as to why I deserve this honor. These are only a FEW of the "wars" that I have encountered. I am just one of many whose stories remain a mystery. But I want to deliver a speech that no one will ever forget. One that celebrates those that have made it thus far. One that the student body will be moved by. Yet, most importantly, one that they can resonate with and be inspired to perservere. As I fervently continue to cross-stitch and run through my mental rolodex of influential quotes I know that it all starts here... with this letter... with this blank piece of paper...
Anywayz, I took my cross-stitching, pen, and paper to the one place I knew I could think: a park. I write the best when I'm in my own mental asylum of thoughts. So, I sat on the swings as I cross-stitched as I stared at the blank piece of paper on the ground. I was brainstorming the most significant thing I would be writing of my college career. Not a dissertation, paper, final, none of that. It was my letter I was drafting to convince Temple University administration as to why they should grant my request of being commencement speaker at the 2011 graduation ceremony.
Its not a request that I thought of one day to put on any resume' or something that I seek for personal gain, but rather a dream of mine that I've had for some years that means more to me than my college diploma. It's moreso a gesture to represent all the "wars" that we, as students, have fought on a daily basis. These "wars" are ones that no personal statement can summarize. I started thinking about all this after an in-depth Gchat convo I had with one of my good friends who now resides in London. We shared personal experiences that a merely a small representation of what students go through everyday. And if he ever reads this, I thank him for being one of the reasons as to why I decided to start this venture on this day.
Now, my dilemma in starting this letter was how to catch the attention of administration. There are so many things I can and want to say but all I could think about was my purpose in achieving this feat. My GPA isn't stellar and my academic history isn't spectacular, but I have convinced myself I am the appropriate person to deliver this speech. I am the first out of all childhood friends to graduate with a university diploma. In my close to 23 years, I have seen enough to start my own reality show. I have been exposed through teaching elementary and high school kids the realities of life. I have experienced funerals for many friends that were simply trying to make it. I have survived abuses in all 3 categories, mental, physical, and emotional. I have been affected by women just like me. One example I remember is the Spring 2010 semester when me and Gina were talking about how happy we were that grant writing class (a VERY intense class) was over and how we were so close to graduation. I remember laughing about how I had one more semester and she had 3 more weeks from graduation. I remember saying "Congrats in advance. I'll see you in class next week". And you know what? The following week I was hysterically crying with my peers because Gina was shot by her abusive ex-boyfriend the weekend following our conversation. I walked out the classroom early and seen another of my peers crying and telling me that could've been her because she is in the SAME EXACT situation. Gina never got the chance to walk across that stage and its hard to swallow because she is one of many that I personally knew that never made it to their college graduation.
I remember shedding tears for the unknown. It could've been out of worry, people who let me down when I really needed them, financial hardship, how and IF I was going to school the next semester, or simply how I was going to eat that week. Many of those times I experienced. I remember having to fight other people's battles while fighting my own. I was the strong person for all my friends, their source of encouragement, or the muse for hope to make it even though in my time of solitude I wasn't even strong for myself. I even physically saved my best friend from her abusive boyfriend. And thats my reality.
And its interesting because these are only a FEW reasons as to why I deserve this honor. These are only a FEW of the "wars" that I have encountered. I am just one of many whose stories remain a mystery. But I want to deliver a speech that no one will ever forget. One that celebrates those that have made it thus far. One that the student body will be moved by. Yet, most importantly, one that they can resonate with and be inspired to perservere. As I fervently continue to cross-stitch and run through my mental rolodex of influential quotes I know that it all starts here... with this letter... with this blank piece of paper...
Friday, November 27, 2009
The Innermost Randomness
I don't have anything specific to say... Just alot of random things in the back of my mind...
I secretly still want to do a post-baccalaureate program and go to medical school ---- I've literally made my way through the last 3 years of college by my paycheck and pure persuasion --- I turned down an internship with the FBI in New York City 2 years ago... I regret that --- I don't think I would ever date a celebrity or an athlete --- If energy drinks weren't made, I wouldn't have made it through college --- One of my dreams is to compete in a national track event, like Penn Relays, in the 800m representing my country, the Philippines --- Highly promiscuous women are getting "wifed up" by substantially good men and I have no idea why --- I believe that 90% of guys will mess up a relationship with a good woman for a woman who is sub-par... scientifically proven --- I get bored in relationships easily... some say its my downfall.. I say its either because my lifestyle was too fast for them or they couldn't keep up.. oh well... things happen for a reason --- Nothing drives me over the edge more than a guy who can't keep his word.. my time is precious and not to be wasted, so I would rather not deal with misconceptions and lies --- A lot of people think my personality is schizo.. I'm starting to consider the possibility that it may be true, minus the delusions lol --- I HOPE global warming keeps messing up the winter... I hate cold --- I often have evil thoughts when someone uses bad grammar, crosses in front of me while I'm walking, and certain times when I'm deep in thought --- The only thing I'm looking forward to right now in my life is GOING to the army --- I'm always 2 seconds away from pulling a trigger when someone ignorantly says, "Oh, you're going to the army because your man is in the military, right?" NO! Whether he was with me or not I was planning on leaving... I don't let men dictate my movement (but if they're important enough I may factor them into my plans) ---I have 3 basic types that I date: 1) the undercover nerd/intellect, 2) the mysterious silent type, 3) the rebel with tattoos and piercings.. nationality doesn't matter --- Some say that I have a secret life... I say that I just choose not to talk about it so freely --- I'm voted by my friends to most likely to be in a long relationship, perfect marriage, etcetera etcetera... I beg to differ.. I'll be lucky enough to get to that point.. Ha, Who the hell is gonna tolerate my disturbed mind for the rest of their life? Good luck with that ---
I have a secret addiction to music by evanescence, Linkin Park, Pink, and Green Day --- I have 7 tattoos with 7 complete stories --- I may have to wait a year AFTER i get my diploma to have a graduation ceremony --- I can sum up whether or not I am going to like a person in 2 conversations --- I hate watching TV --- Japanese Anime, peppermint ice cream, and bubble baths make me smile --- I like reading and taking risks --- If everything else in my life fails, I've decided that the cop-out plan will be to go back to my country, the Philippines --- I'm deathly terrified of silence, standing on the edge (esp. buildings), and clowns --- I want a chance to tell Drake that his whole album was the story of my relationship --- I officially found "myself" 3 years ago... take it how you want --- "Flectere si neqeo superos, Acheronta movebo... faber est quisque fortunae suae"... Its Latin figure it out...
And thus conclude my rant of thought for the evening...
I secretly still want to do a post-baccalaureate program and go to medical school ---- I've literally made my way through the last 3 years of college by my paycheck and pure persuasion --- I turned down an internship with the FBI in New York City 2 years ago... I regret that --- I don't think I would ever date a celebrity or an athlete --- If energy drinks weren't made, I wouldn't have made it through college --- One of my dreams is to compete in a national track event, like Penn Relays, in the 800m representing my country, the Philippines --- Highly promiscuous women are getting "wifed up" by substantially good men and I have no idea why --- I believe that 90% of guys will mess up a relationship with a good woman for a woman who is sub-par... scientifically proven --- I get bored in relationships easily... some say its my downfall.. I say its either because my lifestyle was too fast for them or they couldn't keep up.. oh well... things happen for a reason --- Nothing drives me over the edge more than a guy who can't keep his word.. my time is precious and not to be wasted, so I would rather not deal with misconceptions and lies --- A lot of people think my personality is schizo.. I'm starting to consider the possibility that it may be true, minus the delusions lol --- I HOPE global warming keeps messing up the winter... I hate cold --- I often have evil thoughts when someone uses bad grammar, crosses in front of me while I'm walking, and certain times when I'm deep in thought --- The only thing I'm looking forward to right now in my life is GOING to the army --- I'm always 2 seconds away from pulling a trigger when someone ignorantly says, "Oh, you're going to the army because your man is in the military, right?" NO! Whether he was with me or not I was planning on leaving... I don't let men dictate my movement (but if they're important enough I may factor them into my plans) ---I have 3 basic types that I date: 1) the undercover nerd/intellect, 2) the mysterious silent type, 3) the rebel with tattoos and piercings.. nationality doesn't matter --- Some say that I have a secret life... I say that I just choose not to talk about it so freely --- I'm voted by my friends to most likely to be in a long relationship, perfect marriage, etcetera etcetera... I beg to differ.. I'll be lucky enough to get to that point.. Ha, Who the hell is gonna tolerate my disturbed mind for the rest of their life? Good luck with that ---
I have a secret addiction to music by evanescence, Linkin Park, Pink, and Green Day --- I have 7 tattoos with 7 complete stories --- I may have to wait a year AFTER i get my diploma to have a graduation ceremony --- I can sum up whether or not I am going to like a person in 2 conversations --- I hate watching TV --- Japanese Anime, peppermint ice cream, and bubble baths make me smile --- I like reading and taking risks --- If everything else in my life fails, I've decided that the cop-out plan will be to go back to my country, the Philippines --- I'm deathly terrified of silence, standing on the edge (esp. buildings), and clowns --- I want a chance to tell Drake that his whole album was the story of my relationship --- I officially found "myself" 3 years ago... take it how you want --- "Flectere si neqeo superos, Acheronta movebo... faber est quisque fortunae suae"... Its Latin figure it out...
And thus conclude my rant of thought for the evening...
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Split Personality/Stepping out of my character
I am not gonna talk in 3rd person in this one. This is far to important to do it. So, I sat up last night thinking and I wasn't thinking that I decided to do on impulse. This was thinking that has been looming in the crevices of my mind. And you may think that I reacted to you on impulse, but I beg to differ.
In my mind (in the beginning) I had doubts about whether I can handle your emotional baggage 'cuz of the last person that meant anything more than a girlfriend to you. And then I convinced myself that I could because your mind was quite open. But YOU being with ME is not the issue in question. It's you learning to throw away and delete memories of the past. How can you curse out my ex via text but have more pictures of you and "her" (TOGETHER) in your phone and your computer than me and you? After years, though? I could understand months, but not years. I know this as fact and you didn't even have to tell me. I'm not defending my ex but it is principle. You say its because you knew her for 6 years. I say your friendship was shorter than my last serious relationship. I've known him for 12 years, was cool BEFORE we were together, was engaged, and I STILL don't keep things like that of him. Justify it if you want, but I beg to differ. Call me crazy, call me territorial, but I could care less. Clearly, it doesn't matter to you and wouldn't bother you if the situation was flipped....
And I anticipated the "honeymoon" stage to end as it has now (that's pretty normal) and reached the ground level of reality. And right now I wish I could look you in the eye and tell you exactly how I feel minus all the LOL's. I am so serious. It bothers me, but it is quite trivial to you. Trivial? What's trivial is the fact that you will probably understand me more if you read this, rather than me telling you in our nighttime conversations. And why? 'Cuz I could barely keep your attention long enough to get through answering YOUR question of how MY day went. That's trivial. And honestly, as I make a mental notation of everytime you fail to listen to me I feel myself getting a little bit emotionally detached. And if you don't know why, then I guess you missed that in one of our conversations. Its just hard to take in that if you can't listen to me and understand where I am coming from then all I could leave you with is an ellipsis 'cuz its only going to affect the course of this. And this is not all because of some stupid pictures... that's just minute... its kind of more than that. I just foresee you and "her" as a barrier to "us" in the long run because I know ya'll have mutual friends, ya'll are cool, and what-not, but my feeling hasn't quite failed me yet. Honestly, I just still feel like you can't let go.
I talked it over with my girls and they said to just let it play out. So, I will. My feelings don't change too much. You may be saying that I may be thinking a little too into this or acting a little irrational, but as I said before, this IS NOT me acting on impulse this has been building. 'Cuz every little thing, problem, etc. no matter how minutiae has always messed up the bigger portrait. I am the jealous type, it happens. And if you feel some type of way or you do agree with the former, let me know. Take what you want from it. I'm a woman of my word and I don't hold grudges. So, after this moment, I'm going to drop it. As long as you know where I stand is all that matters to me.
"By tomorrow it will all be irrelevant"
In my mind (in the beginning) I had doubts about whether I can handle your emotional baggage 'cuz of the last person that meant anything more than a girlfriend to you. And then I convinced myself that I could because your mind was quite open. But YOU being with ME is not the issue in question. It's you learning to throw away and delete memories of the past. How can you curse out my ex via text but have more pictures of you and "her" (TOGETHER) in your phone and your computer than me and you? After years, though? I could understand months, but not years. I know this as fact and you didn't even have to tell me. I'm not defending my ex but it is principle. You say its because you knew her for 6 years. I say your friendship was shorter than my last serious relationship. I've known him for 12 years, was cool BEFORE we were together, was engaged, and I STILL don't keep things like that of him. Justify it if you want, but I beg to differ. Call me crazy, call me territorial, but I could care less. Clearly, it doesn't matter to you and wouldn't bother you if the situation was flipped....
And I anticipated the "honeymoon" stage to end as it has now (that's pretty normal) and reached the ground level of reality. And right now I wish I could look you in the eye and tell you exactly how I feel minus all the LOL's. I am so serious. It bothers me, but it is quite trivial to you. Trivial? What's trivial is the fact that you will probably understand me more if you read this, rather than me telling you in our nighttime conversations. And why? 'Cuz I could barely keep your attention long enough to get through answering YOUR question of how MY day went. That's trivial. And honestly, as I make a mental notation of everytime you fail to listen to me I feel myself getting a little bit emotionally detached. And if you don't know why, then I guess you missed that in one of our conversations. Its just hard to take in that if you can't listen to me and understand where I am coming from then all I could leave you with is an ellipsis 'cuz its only going to affect the course of this. And this is not all because of some stupid pictures... that's just minute... its kind of more than that. I just foresee you and "her" as a barrier to "us" in the long run because I know ya'll have mutual friends, ya'll are cool, and what-not, but my feeling hasn't quite failed me yet. Honestly, I just still feel like you can't let go.
I talked it over with my girls and they said to just let it play out. So, I will. My feelings don't change too much. You may be saying that I may be thinking a little too into this or acting a little irrational, but as I said before, this IS NOT me acting on impulse this has been building. 'Cuz every little thing, problem, etc. no matter how minutiae has always messed up the bigger portrait. I am the jealous type, it happens. And if you feel some type of way or you do agree with the former, let me know. Take what you want from it. I'm a woman of my word and I don't hold grudges. So, after this moment, I'm going to drop it. As long as you know where I stand is all that matters to me.
"By tomorrow it will all be irrelevant"
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
"Bored, Opening Up Battle Scars???"
Nothing has compelled me to write anything until about now. And this is something that was brought to my attention. And the title overshadows the topics I decided to cover....
"BORED"
I have come to this odd and maybe moreso trivial conclusion that problems in relationships come about when people are bored. Yea, I said it. When people focus too much on a relationship it seems as though their life starts becoming consumed with it to the point that they analyze it too damn much. And you may say to yourself "I am still lost what the hell are you talking about?" Think about it from a girl's point-of-view. If she starts getting consumed with the relationship and starts analyzing she is gonna wait for something to go wrong or she will find something wrong. And if you think that's not your girl, wait until she gets too caught up and you will know exactly what I am talking about. I figured that out when I started listening to people's problems. They came out to have the same incessant complaints: "We don't spend enough time", "He doesn't call enough", "He's not into me", "I don't think he loves me enough", "he's not romantic enough", and the list goes on. Maybe I am just a tad cold-hearted and I know how to naturally detach myself emotionally from certain aspects, but in reality we can't monitor the other person every minute, every second and we can't expect everything to be perfect and we can't sit and wait for something to go wrong. Yea, so I've had my own reserves in my own relationship, but thats partly my fault. I'm just afraid of giving my all once again and watching it fall to ruins. But, everyday I am being proven otherwise. So, I've learned to relax. We gotta learn to take speedbumps as they come and in the meantime cherish all the good times. If he/she's busy find something to do in the meantime 'cuz time apart makes the heart grow fonder. Relationships are better when you have things to talk about. Keep it interesting and it'll last longer.
"Opening Up"
So a question was posed to me on my way home from work. My homegirl wanted to know how to get a man to open up to her. She wants to know everything about him, especially how he feels about her/ where she stands in the relationship. Well, honestly I don't know if I can answer this question in its entirety but I'll try. You can't force it. Its something that he needs to do on his own. Its kind of a trust issue. If he trusts you enough, he will let you into that part of him. Not saying that men don't trust women or women don't trust men (sometimes that could be the case, lol) but it is quite a big step. Its kind of like love: you trust a person with the capability of breaking your heart at any given moment with the confidence in them that they won't do it. I suggested in trying to open up to him to see how he reacts. I mean, its not garunteed that he will reciprocate, but then again opening up is a 2-way street. Its hrad for me to open up, but when I do I trust that person to not judge me and be very understanding. Sometimes you have to sacrifice to gain. But, an even more simple step to make strides toward opening up is being honest. Just give it some time and when he's ready it will happen. No one falls in love overnight and no one is going to trust you with their inner story within the hour.
"Battle Scars"
Perfect title as I listen to Alicia Key's "A Lesson Learned". It reminds me of my very first blog, lol. Anyways, once again my homeboy, is having this reoccuring problem with the ex that he can't let go. Honestly, I just don't get it. How can someone continue to have deep feelings and crave to be with someone who blatantly says they were never in love with them in the first place? Or someone that continues to treat them as an option? Am I MISSING SOMETHING??? I can only help answer questions that people pose to me, NOT put a bandaid on battle scars. Its one thing when you can't let go. It took me 4 years to let go. And once I did, I LET GO!! I was caught up in having someone be there for me when I needed them to be and someone to listen to me, but the fact of the matter was we should've just been friends from jump. It would've saved me alot of lost time. But, when I really thought about it, he supplemented me and didn't complement me. SUPPLEMENT= when you think that someone completes you, COMPLEMENT= someone that you are compatible with that enhances you. Why do I say choose the latter? Someone who complements you is not only your significant other, but your best friend, your support system, and your lover. That's that "Michael Jackson" Love I once talked about... Hmm, I wonder what my man thinks he is.. Well, I don't wonder actually... He knows which category he falls in.
Just remember to Stay active, Stay Honest, Let things take their course, and JUST LET GO....
"BORED"
I have come to this odd and maybe moreso trivial conclusion that problems in relationships come about when people are bored. Yea, I said it. When people focus too much on a relationship it seems as though their life starts becoming consumed with it to the point that they analyze it too damn much. And you may say to yourself "I am still lost what the hell are you talking about?" Think about it from a girl's point-of-view. If she starts getting consumed with the relationship and starts analyzing she is gonna wait for something to go wrong or she will find something wrong. And if you think that's not your girl, wait until she gets too caught up and you will know exactly what I am talking about. I figured that out when I started listening to people's problems. They came out to have the same incessant complaints: "We don't spend enough time", "He doesn't call enough", "He's not into me", "I don't think he loves me enough", "he's not romantic enough", and the list goes on. Maybe I am just a tad cold-hearted and I know how to naturally detach myself emotionally from certain aspects, but in reality we can't monitor the other person every minute, every second and we can't expect everything to be perfect and we can't sit and wait for something to go wrong. Yea, so I've had my own reserves in my own relationship, but thats partly my fault. I'm just afraid of giving my all once again and watching it fall to ruins. But, everyday I am being proven otherwise. So, I've learned to relax. We gotta learn to take speedbumps as they come and in the meantime cherish all the good times. If he/she's busy find something to do in the meantime 'cuz time apart makes the heart grow fonder. Relationships are better when you have things to talk about. Keep it interesting and it'll last longer.
"Opening Up"
So a question was posed to me on my way home from work. My homegirl wanted to know how to get a man to open up to her. She wants to know everything about him, especially how he feels about her/ where she stands in the relationship. Well, honestly I don't know if I can answer this question in its entirety but I'll try. You can't force it. Its something that he needs to do on his own. Its kind of a trust issue. If he trusts you enough, he will let you into that part of him. Not saying that men don't trust women or women don't trust men (sometimes that could be the case, lol) but it is quite a big step. Its kind of like love: you trust a person with the capability of breaking your heart at any given moment with the confidence in them that they won't do it. I suggested in trying to open up to him to see how he reacts. I mean, its not garunteed that he will reciprocate, but then again opening up is a 2-way street. Its hrad for me to open up, but when I do I trust that person to not judge me and be very understanding. Sometimes you have to sacrifice to gain. But, an even more simple step to make strides toward opening up is being honest. Just give it some time and when he's ready it will happen. No one falls in love overnight and no one is going to trust you with their inner story within the hour.
"Battle Scars"
Perfect title as I listen to Alicia Key's "A Lesson Learned". It reminds me of my very first blog, lol. Anyways, once again my homeboy, is having this reoccuring problem with the ex that he can't let go. Honestly, I just don't get it. How can someone continue to have deep feelings and crave to be with someone who blatantly says they were never in love with them in the first place? Or someone that continues to treat them as an option? Am I MISSING SOMETHING??? I can only help answer questions that people pose to me, NOT put a bandaid on battle scars. Its one thing when you can't let go. It took me 4 years to let go. And once I did, I LET GO!! I was caught up in having someone be there for me when I needed them to be and someone to listen to me, but the fact of the matter was we should've just been friends from jump. It would've saved me alot of lost time. But, when I really thought about it, he supplemented me and didn't complement me. SUPPLEMENT= when you think that someone completes you, COMPLEMENT= someone that you are compatible with that enhances you. Why do I say choose the latter? Someone who complements you is not only your significant other, but your best friend, your support system, and your lover. That's that "Michael Jackson" Love I once talked about... Hmm, I wonder what my man thinks he is.. Well, I don't wonder actually... He knows which category he falls in.
Just remember to Stay active, Stay Honest, Let things take their course, and JUST LET GO....
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