So I had an Epiphany lately. I have been in the shadow of depression. Listening to old love songs , getting sick at the sight of every couple in love that I see, and taking a break from all stresses in my life to figure things out by focusing on me... Quite a reality that hit me... So once there was a person in my life that truly captured my mind, worshiped my body, enriched my soul, and stimulated my spirit. There was a high possibility that I could've been a prospect for his future, BUT.. I found out that I captured his mind but his heart belonged to the past... and there was nothing that I could changed about that. Although I was a major influence in his life, he failed to recognize the fact that I was willing to surrender my heart to him and ONLY him to be a good woman to him. Yet, like I said all the things in the world couldn't change the fact that his heart belonged to another. Well, thats the crazy thing that we find out in life about LOVE. Its a crazy four-letter word where we give another the power to break our heart trusting that will not. In this instance, I had my heart shattered.
The only thing that I can do now is to pick up the pieces with the new knowledge that I have and piece it back together. But, it still hurts and probably always will. Prior to this, I didn't realize that love really was a battlefield. Its the only battlefield that we are unconsciously thrown into, the only one where we are not properly equipped and armored, and the only one we have no choice but conquer or be conquered. We need to love and love without the frills but with the embellishments. When I talk about frills, I mean the lying, the deceit, betrayals, cheating, broken promises, insecurities, constant arguments. When I talk about embellishments, I mean the communication, appreciation, care, connection, devotion, loyalty, and most IMPORTANTLY understanding. Now I am not saying that perfect love can be achieved because in no instance is this possible. But what I am saying is that we can have 10% frills, 90% embellishments. We need to have balance.
On another note, I highlight that understanding is the most important aspect of a relationship because this quality allows you to internalize all the facets of a person. Because reality is, we can't change the person that we are with. Yes, we can influence them to change, but they are who they are and what you see is what you are going to get. But, otherwise, understanding is the bonding glue that holds everything that you have created in a relationship together. This may seemed farfetched but when you apply this concept you will understand it is far beyond prophecy. It is quite ironic. You can't understand the importance of understanding. But I digress from my original thoughts.
So, my options now are very few. You see, now I am at a point of my life where I took a chance at love FOR REAL and it failed. I felt the effects of this battle with casualties you couldn't fathom: a broken heart, a new negativity on relationships, a cold spirit, depression, and loneliness. I learned that it would probably be hard for me to give my heart away like that again. But, at least now, I have clarity on why the relationship went the way it did. You need to lose battles, to ultimately win the war. This one just took a toll one me.
"Love is a battlefield we all get scarred..."
