Brooklyn Bridge Colloquialisms...

Thoughts semmed to be clouding my mind more than usual lately. Incessantly, I wake up doing the same things to make time pass: workout, apply for jobs, check email, read, and conjure something to do. Stress over thinking about where I want to be in life in relation to having an opportunity to get there has been building over the last few weeks. And as my mind effortlessly progressed on the incline towards insanity my fingers trembled as I helplessly tried to peer at the very playlist that never let me down. I found one song that never failed in liberating my thoughts..... "Hometown Glory" by Adele (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BW9Fzwuf43c)

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Somehow on a Monday, dead in the middle of January, at 9p, here I was... on the Brooklyn Bridge searching for mental clarity. It was not uncommon that I ended up somewhere random to think when pressure built up. Anyways, there were so many things I needed to address mentally. It was my fault because I did exactly what I was instructed NOT to do: I let everything build up until I just broke down... I made the trek to the most medial pillar of the bridge, leaned against it, and faced the structures that composed the New York City skyline... AS I slid towards the ground to sit, so did my tears... I let the stress get the best of me... Dammit...

I sat there for what seemed an unending hour in my jacket that was probably not fit for this type of winter weather and plastered my inner mental compositions across the sky. They were mostly the stresses of this unending job search. I got to a point where I was convinced that companies would put up jobs as a sick fucking joke. Countless applications were filled and I got NO callbacks whatsoever. I just stared at the lights and traced the NYC skyline with my eyes to ease my mind. It was as if I tried to write my thoughts across the sky, but no one else could read it. They just remained... illiterate. It was like that conversation I had with this girl who wanted to be my mentee. I usually like to delve deeper into the crevices of ones inner thoughts for stimulating conversation. With her, I tried to analyze her mental direction.... or rather if she had any to begin with. It came to points in the conversation where I would say "come walk in my shoes for a day"... She replies "the new Gucci ones right?"... I said "I dream of 401Ks and greatness"... and she says "Isn't that a new Kanye song?"... I just couldn't take it. I had to immediately remove myself from the conversation. All she was good for was defeating the purpose. I couldn't even fathom the level of intelligence she possessed. She was one of those girls with the perfect body shape and cute face. And what troubles me the most is that guys really go for this type of girl: all physical, no mental. I gotta go... If this is the case I need to erase myself from the dating scene before I even start. I might lose brain cells in the process.

Then, my mind shifted swiftly to the next topic... recovering from the effects of my recent relationship. That is its own issue in itself. It perplexes me how something can affect you physically if you aren't totally over it mentally. I'm just going to leave it at that. It took those convos with Tiff and Ms. She to keep me grounded for the last couple of weeks. I did learn 2 important lessons though. 1) When it comes to choosing between your relationship and your career, CHOOSE YOUR CAREER. This was the second time I made this mistake and I ended up losing.... more than what I imagined.... 2) This is a lesson I believe in the most and I think others should perpetuate this... "Love is liberating... Love means my 'I love you's' are the same even if you were in China or if you were next door. Distance doesn't make me think different. Time is never an issue. Love is when I can willingly encourage you to go explore your dreams even if it means you leaving me behind". I guess every relationship is meant to teach you something new.

The last root of stress originated from the construction of this graduation speech. I remember staring at the application and it said to fill out the application, submit a transcript, 2 letters of reference, and my speech. I think the speech was my breaking point. I have so many thoughts and feelings I want to convey in this one piece, the last address I will ever make to the University and I couldn't even start it. How could I take 5 1/2 years of struggle, stress, and gutter rainbows and lace it with inspiration to convince the higher ups that this one speech should be chosen? My mind is as complex as the mathematics that embellishes calculus problems and it just kept running with so many thoughts. They floated from all the talks me and Vu had about surviving and succeeding in this world during my freshman year to my period of depression to my classmate's, Gina, death last year to the moment I finished my last final exam of my college career. As I played verbal roulette, I frantically searched for the words that encompassed every blog post I ever made, every situation a student could ever go through, and every inspirational phrase I could think of.... And the first line of my speech goes like this.... "Whoever told you that you weren't good enough lied to you"..... Currently, Im still refining the memories and scanning the proper intonations to weave this speech.... As I reached a plateau of clarity a runner ran past me and broke me out of the abyss I created an hour before... I deeply exhaled and hopped on the train to make my journey back home... I got what I needed to finish what I started....

Awakening: The Dying Legend of Claire Huxtable...

I know what you're thinking... I haven't written a blog post in weeks... Its been my fault because I have been allowing my priorities to slip. I have been fervently networking with people, organizations, and companies for a job. I am waiting for the right offer regardless of geographical location. Its time for me to jumpstart my career. I can't just take ANY job, though. I am quite conceited when it comes to my resume. You go and find a college graduate that has had more than 12 jobs in college, speaks 7 languages, and had a full-time schedule. Yea, I think I deserve better. I'm out to CRUSH THE COMPETITION. But, thats not what I came to blog about today. Let's set the mood like we always do. ***Looks through playlist*** "No...No... No... Yes!!! Got it..." NOW PLAYING--> "Fly"- Nicki Minaj ft. Rihanna http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gaVtC5A5frA
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This is directed towards women, but men feel free to relay this message to your homegirls.. NO SERIOUSLY....
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In relation to my job "choosing" one thing that I have noticed in the last few weeks of being back in NYC is the disappointment that I have developed towards females. Its not that I hate my own kind or something, but rather I see many females... settling... and its killing me... Some of my childhood friends, and some of you can relate, think having a baby is the career move to make these days without thinking about the consequences. It is not to say there aren't women who don't handle their busines with a child, but if you think having a child is the ONLY option for your future, then theres something wrong. Then, there are the girls that can't think of a better life beyond basic jobs, like stripping. Yea, the money is good, but are you using it to go to school? O_o THEN, there are the girls that think their cute faces and perfect body proportions will land them a career in being a video vixen. So, you want a career as that pretty girl in the back dancing on a rapper? WHAT IS HAPPENING THESE DAYS??? I cannot sincerely understand the source of this epidemic.
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Ok... Let's take a step back... For those of you that can remember think back to those days when the only phones we were talking on had cords attached to them in the kitchen and the only clubs we were sippin at were the "Boys & Girls Club" sippin YooHoo's. Now, remember watching the show "The Cosby's"? Now think to Claire Huxtable. She was one of the few images that women had to look up to in the media. She was educated with a Ph.D., responsible, amazing, accomplished, poised, and had goals. She was the epitome of what women should emulate. I'm not saying every woman should be like Claire, but where have we gone wrong? Have we allowed ourselves to fall victim to low standards, butt pads, and risque' pictures? Have we allowed ourselves to be, dare I say... Basic??? I think so.. Have we let the inner Claire Huxtable within us die slowly so we can make mental room to be the next housewife, Bad Girls Club member, ex-basketball/football wife, 16 & Pregnant focus, or Maury show guest? C'mon ladies....
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What happened to having a career, being a CEO, coming up with new innovative ideas, getting an education, thinking outside the box, or having a presence in the room without looking risque'? We have let physical attributes to overtake our mental qualities that it seems to marr the very caricature that women should possess. Now for you girls who think that your beauty will snatch you the ideal husband, you are stupid. A pretty face is temporary. Good men seek women who are intelligent, confident, can hold their own and won't ""mooch" off their empire. These are a few pillar qualities across the board they require. Why don't you pick yourself up and start your own empire? Stop being lazy. Take control of what the media thinks, don't let it control you.
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As a closing, I need everyone to take a stand on reality. Ask yourself or your homegirl are you putting the blueprint to your future into action? Are you allowing perfect body measurements to compete with your diploma? Are you a person who is temporarily standing out in the crowd or are you a Brander? Branders are people who create influential changes. Their name alone speaks of their accomplishments... Like Claire Huxtable... I don't know about you but I want to chase the sun, surpass the stars, and explore my dreams while my stilettos scrape the sky. I strive to be a brander. I'm out to build my empire. So when people hear my name in the future they'll say "Yea, she was not only amazing, but she was an icon to those around her". So ladies, STOP BEING BASIC. Travel the world. Construct your 5-year plan. Start creating your legend. We all have birth and death dates, but what really matters is what happens in between them... ***Steps Off Podium***
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