2012: Year of The Come-up

Straight up now tell me... lol



Ok.... I have been waiting patiently to do this... A "Lets reflect on where I was a year ago" post. I was all fucked up a year ago. I lost EVERYTHING. My man left me because he was scared. I had nowhere to live because we were supposed to move in with each other. On top of that, I spent the last 2 months of my undergraduate semester sleeping on my homegirl's floor. (SIDENOTE: Seriously Brit, I am IN DEBT to you forever, I stayed in your house rent free at one of theeee lowest points in my life. You were there when I needed somewhere to live and you were right there when I was depressed. Now THAT is a homegirl forreal forreal. Anyways....) I had no more job prospects lined up because they were all on the west coast and I turned down everything on the east coast. I just got laid off from my federal job, no one was hiring, and I was nervous about graduating. Like. If I didn't pass that ONE class I wasn't graduating. Typical struggle for most but it was alot for me at one time. That was end of 2010/2011. Now let's talk about where I am now.

Let's start with employment. So during that 2011 time I was in my mother's house (something I told her I wouldn't do the day I left for college) applying for jobs. I applied to Philly, NYC, DC, Jersey, VA, wherever. I was on a schedule. Each day I would wake up at 9a and apply until 4p. It. Sucked. So. Bad. I remember even tellin Van that companies posting jobs was a joke. Seemed like so many jobs were available but no one was hiring. Then there was that one day I got that email from the Philadelphia Dept of Public Health. It was a win in my eyes. Somewhat of a stable paycheck and got to get out of my moms house. It was a contract position for Health educator for 6 months. At that point, I didn't care. It was money and I had to start somewhere. To date, I haven't left yet. I was promoted from Health Educator to Health Program Coordinator. I went from working on a project, to heading 3 projects and writing a policy. **Steph voice** "Know Me".

The second thing is something I am soooo insecure about: my weight. I'm going to be real. In 2011, I let my depression take over my life. I ate too damn much and let the weight pack on. By March of 2011 I was 210 lbs. Yes, bitch. Two hundred and eleven pounds. I. Lost. It. I decided to get my life together and do everything I could to lose weight. I'm talking pole dancing class, yoga, P90x, Insanity, gym workouts, running, reduced-carb diet, no carb diet, Beyonce lemonade diet... all that... Finally I got into a good workout regimen and stuck with it for a while. One year later I am 43lbs lighter. I feel blessed to have the courage to stick with my workout plan. But, I needed to get my life together.

This was me THEN in 2011:

This is me NOW in 2012:

(Lol I feel like a fat commercial or something)
Even now my workout regimen is as follows:
Monday- Run the Ben Franklin Bridge, gym workout
Tuesday- Gym, pole dancing class
Wednesday- pole dancing class
Thursday- run the Ben Frankling bridge, gym
Friday- pole dancing class, yoga
Saturday- chill
Sunday- chill (and in some not lazy cases yoga)

The last comeup I think I have experienced is just gaining insight on things and stop being so emotionally invested in people. I've learned to let go on alot of things: friends, relationships, people, job opps, etc etc. There are alot of people that don't want to see you succeed and it takes some squinting to see it. But its there. I've made a re-dedication to ME and where I want to be in life. It took me a while to realize that. And no one is going to stop me now **Akon voice** "Cuz I'm a rider, I'm a sole survivor.." lol...

"Cette Fois L'an Dernier": Breaking the Hiatus...

Now Playing: "The City"- The Game, Kendrick Lamar.. Kendrick Lamar goes in on this track and I highly appreciate it...

Soo yea... I have finally returned from my hiatus. My hiatus initially started because work picked up and then slowly progressed into a learning experiment. Its only been a lil over two months and surprisingly I have learned alot about myself. I'm just going to write this out in random sentences because I don't have the patience to throw this into like 6 blogposts (I have other things to do).

First things first. I don't trust people. I think most people will betray you at some point and I would rather be alone than risk it by trusting someone else. Its probably because of my upbringing but whatever, I'm working on it... I hate liars. I get really disappointed when people let me down. I think that people like to assume are all idiots... I find myself falling into the true virgo construct: lose interest as fast as I gain it. Whatever... Call it keeping up with the times. I take pride in the circle of the female and male friends that I have, I love each and every one of you. I think I have learned to confide in each of you alot more... I learned in this time that I easily get overwhelmed. When that happens, I break the absolute fuck down. I'm learning to control it. Eh... I learned that when I stop living for you, I start living for me. And that made me realize my worth. Ladies, when u try this it will be so liberating #Trust. Also, thank you jedi for that talk about being pragmatic in approach. I have been able to apply it to a number of things and it has helped me sooo much... I realized that I can't be scared anymore. Scared of what is and what isn't. That will impede my learning progress... I need to control alot of things mentally that I thought I could do by myself...

I learned in relationships to let the fuck go whether it be friendships, significant other, whatever. If you can't change it, don't try to anymore. Stop caring more about people and their well-being than they care about you... I was talking with one of my best friends, Le, about jealousy. Being jealous fucking sucks. I was moderately jealous in the past, but thats because I didn't care about the men I dated as much as I thought. I would just "fake love" them and leave them. Then when I did care it was all over for me. I got overwhelmed. Too much. Relationships are a learning process for all parties involved... For everyone else in a relationship, whatever you do when your significant other isn't around picture your significant other in the same situation. If its something you wouldn't like to see, then I suggest you shouldn't do it either. If it gets you tight when the situation is reversed or you know damn well in your heart you wouldn't like it, then don't do it yourself. At all. A difference in perception can be the difference in your relationship. Let it marinate. Moving on, I learned I'm obsessed with budgeting my money.Maybe thats a good thing... One thing I do hate though is when people offer me "hush money" or money to make up for something else. No. Bitch. I want what I asked for and if you throw money in my face, I'll throw something physical at your face. I came from a society that believes in Hammurabi's Code and there is nothing to really get me out of that... I learned that I was built to be a CEO. I have this "I don't give a fuck Imma say what I can and I will get the job done" attitude. 2 of my coworkers call me "Ms. Sassy". I have no fear in the workplace sometimes (gift and a curse). I'm not over my job, I'm over the politics behind it... I'm trying to think what else I have learned...... Oh.... I immerse myself too much in my work. The fact that I read during, after, and before work makes me think what else am I doing? I go out here and there, workout, but thats about it. Smh. Boring...

In the meantime, I'll be here waiting for my graduate school applications to be processed. Hopefully I get into my programs **crosses fingers***