First things first. I don't trust people. I think most people will betray you at some point and I would rather be alone than risk it by trusting someone else. Its probably because of my upbringing but whatever, I'm working on it... I hate liars. I get really disappointed when people let me down. I think that people like to assume are all idiots... I find myself falling into the true virgo construct: lose interest as fast as I gain it. Whatever... Call it keeping up with the times. I take pride in the circle of the female and male friends that I have, I love each and every one of you. I think I have learned to confide in each of you alot more... I learned in this time that I easily get overwhelmed. When that happens, I break the absolute fuck down. I'm learning to control it. Eh... I learned that when I stop living for you, I start living for me. And that made me realize my worth. Ladies, when u try this it will be so liberating #Trust. Also, thank you jedi for that talk about being pragmatic in approach. I have been able to apply it to a number of things and it has helped me sooo much... I realized that I can't be scared anymore. Scared of what is and what isn't. That will impede my learning progress... I need to control alot of things mentally that I thought I could do by myself...
I learned in relationships to let the fuck go whether it be friendships, significant other, whatever. If you can't change it, don't try to anymore. Stop caring more about people and their well-being than they care about you... I was talking with one of my best friends, Le, about jealousy. Being jealous fucking sucks. I was moderately jealous in the past, but thats because I didn't care about the men I dated as much as I thought. I would just "fake love" them and leave them. Then when I did care it was all over for me. I got overwhelmed. Too much. Relationships are a learning process for all parties involved... For everyone else in a relationship, whatever you do when your significant other isn't around picture your significant other in the same situation. If its something you wouldn't like to see, then I suggest you shouldn't do it either. If it gets you tight when the situation is reversed or you know damn well in your heart you wouldn't like it, then don't do it yourself. At all. A difference in perception can be the difference in your relationship. Let it marinate.
Moving on, I learned I'm obsessed with budgeting my money.Maybe thats a good thing... One thing I do hate though is when people offer me "hush money" or money to make up for something else. No. Bitch. I want what I asked for and if you throw money in my face, I'll throw something physical at your face. I came from a society that believes in Hammurabi's Code and there is nothing to really get me out of that... I learned that I was built to be a CEO. I have this "I don't give a fuck Imma say what I can and I will get the job done" attitude. 2 of my coworkers call me "Ms. Sassy". I have no fear in the workplace sometimes (gift and a curse). I'm not over my job, I'm over the politics behind it... I'm trying to think what else I have learned...... Oh.... I immerse myself too much in my work. The fact that I read during, after, and before work makes me think what else am I doing? I go out here and there, workout, but thats about it. Smh. Boring...In the meantime, I'll be here waiting for my graduate school applications to be processed. Hopefully I get into my programs **crosses fingers***
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