I am not gonna talk in 3rd person in this one. This is far to important to do it. So, I sat up last night thinking and I wasn't thinking that I decided to do on impulse. This was thinking that has been looming in the crevices of my mind. And you may think that I reacted to you on impulse, but I beg to differ.
In my mind (in the beginning) I had doubts about whether I can handle your emotional baggage 'cuz of the last person that meant anything more than a girlfriend to you. And then I convinced myself that I could because your mind was quite open. But YOU being with ME is not the issue in question. It's you learning to throw away and delete memories of the past. How can you curse out my ex via text but have more pictures of you and "her" (TOGETHER) in your phone and your computer than me and you? After years, though? I could understand months, but not years. I know this as fact and you didn't even have to tell me. I'm not defending my ex but it is principle. You say its because you knew her for 6 years. I say your friendship was shorter than my last serious relationship. I've known him for 12 years, was cool BEFORE we were together, was engaged, and I STILL don't keep things like that of him. Justify it if you want, but I beg to differ. Call me crazy, call me territorial, but I could care less. Clearly, it doesn't matter to you and wouldn't bother you if the situation was flipped....
And I anticipated the "honeymoon" stage to end as it has now (that's pretty normal) and reached the ground level of reality. And right now I wish I could look you in the eye and tell you exactly how I feel minus all the LOL's. I am so serious. It bothers me, but it is quite trivial to you. Trivial? What's trivial is the fact that you will probably understand me more if you read this, rather than me telling you in our nighttime conversations. And why? 'Cuz I could barely keep your attention long enough to get through answering YOUR question of how MY day went. That's trivial. And honestly, as I make a mental notation of everytime you fail to listen to me I feel myself getting a little bit emotionally detached. And if you don't know why, then I guess you missed that in one of our conversations. Its just hard to take in that if you can't listen to me and understand where I am coming from then all I could leave you with is an ellipsis 'cuz its only going to affect the course of this. And this is not all because of some stupid pictures... that's just minute... its kind of more than that. I just foresee you and "her" as a barrier to "us" in the long run because I know ya'll have mutual friends, ya'll are cool, and what-not, but my feeling hasn't quite failed me yet. Honestly, I just still feel like you can't let go.
I talked it over with my girls and they said to just let it play out. So, I will. My feelings don't change too much. You may be saying that I may be thinking a little too into this or acting a little irrational, but as I said before, this IS NOT me acting on impulse this has been building. 'Cuz every little thing, problem, etc. no matter how minutiae has always messed up the bigger portrait. I am the jealous type, it happens. And if you feel some type of way or you do agree with the former, let me know. Take what you want from it. I'm a woman of my word and I don't hold grudges. So, after this moment, I'm going to drop it. As long as you know where I stand is all that matters to me.
"By tomorrow it will all be irrelevant"
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