Today was something a little more than any other day. It was hot but somehow a perfect balance between humidity and heat. I did 2 things I haven't done in ages: 1. Sat on my porch and 2. did some cross-stitch work. I found a picture that I didn't finish cross-stitching from almost 5 years ago. It made me think about how I was losing things that I used to love. And not material things such as those that were stolen away from me this week: i.e. my cell phones, laptop, credit cards, clothes, or shoes. But rather, the hobbies I loved indulging in like learning, reading, cross-stitching, sewing, singing, poetry writing, dreaming, star-gazing, planning, and thinking. Yea, those things. It seems as though I'm letting life consume me rather than consuming the joys of life. I guess my priorities fell off a little. That can be fixed.
Anywayz, I took my cross-stitching, pen, and paper to the one place I knew I could think: a park. I write the best when I'm in my own mental asylum of thoughts. So, I sat on the swings as I cross-stitched as I stared at the blank piece of paper on the ground. I was brainstorming the most significant thing I would be writing of my college career. Not a dissertation, paper, final, none of that. It was my letter I was drafting to convince Temple University administration as to why they should grant my request of being commencement speaker at the 2011 graduation ceremony.
Its not a request that I thought of one day to put on any resume' or something that I seek for personal gain, but rather a dream of mine that I've had for some years that means more to me than my college diploma. It's moreso a gesture to represent all the "wars" that we, as students, have fought on a daily basis. These "wars" are ones that no personal statement can summarize. I started thinking about all this after an in-depth Gchat convo I had with one of my good friends who now resides in London. We shared personal experiences that a merely a small representation of what students go through everyday. And if he ever reads this, I thank him for being one of the reasons as to why I decided to start this venture on this day.
Now, my dilemma in starting this letter was how to catch the attention of administration. There are so many things I can and want to say but all I could think about was my purpose in achieving this feat. My GPA isn't stellar and my academic history isn't spectacular, but I have convinced myself I am the appropriate person to deliver this speech. I am the first out of all childhood friends to graduate with a university diploma. In my close to 23 years, I have seen enough to start my own reality show. I have been exposed through teaching elementary and high school kids the realities of life. I have experienced funerals for many friends that were simply trying to make it. I have survived abuses in all 3 categories, mental, physical, and emotional. I have been affected by women just like me. One example I remember is the Spring 2010 semester when me and Gina were talking about how happy we were that grant writing class (a VERY intense class) was over and how we were so close to graduation. I remember laughing about how I had one more semester and she had 3 more weeks from graduation. I remember saying "Congrats in advance. I'll see you in class next week". And you know what? The following week I was hysterically crying with my peers because Gina was shot by her abusive ex-boyfriend the weekend following our conversation. I walked out the classroom early and seen another of my peers crying and telling me that could've been her because she is in the SAME EXACT situation. Gina never got the chance to walk across that stage and its hard to swallow because she is one of many that I personally knew that never made it to their college graduation.
I remember shedding tears for the unknown. It could've been out of worry, people who let me down when I really needed them, financial hardship, how and IF I was going to school the next semester, or simply how I was going to eat that week. Many of those times I experienced. I remember having to fight other people's battles while fighting my own. I was the strong person for all my friends, their source of encouragement, or the muse for hope to make it even though in my time of solitude I wasn't even strong for myself. I even physically saved my best friend from her abusive boyfriend. And thats my reality.
And its interesting because these are only a FEW reasons as to why I deserve this honor. These are only a FEW of the "wars" that I have encountered. I am just one of many whose stories remain a mystery. But I want to deliver a speech that no one will ever forget. One that celebrates those that have made it thus far. One that the student body will be moved by. Yet, most importantly, one that they can resonate with and be inspired to perservere. As I fervently continue to cross-stitch and run through my mental rolodex of influential quotes I know that it all starts here... with this letter... with this blank piece of paper...
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