Inner Convo of Temporary Insanity

Days get shorter... Weather gets a bit cooler... Schedule gets a lil tighter... And im here damn near pulling my hair out with tears in my eyes because school is in session and I'm getting stressed... I think thats the side of me people don't see. They see the girl who is always on the comeup and prepared.... But, in reality, I'm the one having a mental breakdown because, as usual, I have filled my schedule to the brim and I'm getting overwhelmed unsure if I can fulfill all my appointments, my meetings, whatever is scheduled on my agenda that day... And here I am, at 11:15p, chillen in my clothes from work, both IDs still around my neck (one from work and one from my internship), having a staring contest with my textbook, laying on my bad, trying to figure out why my week is going downhill and calculating how broke I'm gonna be on my birthday, all the while reciting word-for-word one of my all-time favorite rap songs from when I was younger: "Affirmative Action" by The Firm [NAS, Foxy Brown, AZ, Cormega] (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7xRmrOLFjqo) Like really, why is everything going down this course?!?!?

I woke up at 630a, went back to sleep and damn near missed my class..

(10a) Go to class and my lab partner is a jerk. I swear she just kept talking about herself like it was an effin reality show. Like really? I would rather watch a Bad Girls Club marathon filled with ignorance and no aspirations than hear you speak. Like, I don't care. Don't you major in running or something? Cuz, I know it can't be anything that requires too much thought process. (Lemme continue with my rant before I attempt to go on how much I hate this uneducated chick cuz she almost got formaldehyde thrown on her while we were dissecting. Please don't test me because if I go in the bathroom and switch up into my all-black I may summon the asian!!!)

(1130a) Putting the agenda back into perspective, I go to internship downtown and the people were great but everyone seemed aggravated in some sort of way. I was too. It was just everyone exuded some type of inner stress. I know I was. Downhill we went.

(3p) Back in class. The professor (that I happened to call Captain Crazy) went about her smart, sarcastic ways trying to convince everyone that her opinions were right as usual almost made me jump out my seat at her "Mean Girls" style everytime she got smart with one of my answers. Miss, don't test me. I probably do more in my free time than you do in your career as academia. I can't with you... no, not today.

(5p) At work, get my 2 weeks notice of "Yes, you're getting laid off because of budget cuts but the good thing is you are eligible for employment". Thanks. I roll my eyes and go back to my desk because as far I knew my term was good till the 30th, HOWEVER, you felt it was quite necessary to sever me a week early. Some of my coworkers were like "Oh, Christina, its only a week!" umm listen... Its only "a week" to you if you have another source of income. This, right here, IS my ONLY source of income... My source of living... The reason why I'm able to prance around like the world is great and brag about bills getting paid. One week = One less paycheck = money loss I need to make up or stretch to cover October bills = A reason why I may be broke on my damn birthday to sacrifice for my financial freedom plan. Please, save me my soapbox moment because if I have it at work I might get fired THAT DAY.

(1030p) Home. Debating. Strategizing. Making things work when it may seem impossible. Trying to remain cool in a world that will burn you up the moment you fall in the fire if you can't handle the heat. Am I gonna let it? No. I know inside I'm stronger than that. But now, at this moment, Im just all over the place... Just let me marinate in my misery for a moment.. smh..