There I was looking at the wall... The indentations in the wall started to blend together... and there I was... Thinking... My body relaxed and I reclined a lil more in my chair. And as my mind switch into its poetic state, it scrambled through my mental ipod to find the right track that became my medium to expose my innermost thoughts. Track 33? Perfect. This set the mood for me to float back into its own enigma that could neither be explained nor comprehended. Feel what I am talking about: (Fantasize- Floetry http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OdUdx31e_74 )
*
I couldn't get you out of my head and this was not one of those moments that young girls have when they are superficially infatuated and physically attracted... Nope, Its deeper than that. Its a crazy feeling and my attraction for you stems from mental stimulation thats intellectually orgasmic... *closes eyes* How is it that you don't have to physically be in my presence to influence me to have you in the crevices of my thoughts? Its interesting I say... Now, that right there is quite impressive. I applaud the effort that was never directly put forth... Proceeding on...
*
Maybe I just can't get out of my head our conversations from the past and present... In my past life I was so used to manipulating the men with no aspirations beyond things like what their next purchase was going to be branded with the most popular insignia out or the "newest thing that no one has yet" *rolls eyes* I couldn't stand them so they were treated as I saw fit. They were just trying to be mere copies of Kanye West, Drake, or someone famous like that instead of being examples of what other men should mimic... They don't get it and probably never will... But you? You have plans. You have ambitions. And everytime you tell me/write to me about them I could do nothing but feel your passion in what you have in store for your future and listen intently on how amazing you are... Its not that I simply admire the person that you are destined to become, but rather I'm elated at the person you have evolved to be. The man that catches my eye is the one in progress, not the one that has reached the top of the mountain. It is only him that can appreciate the woman admiring him. I learned from a wise woman that if he's a good man, he will realize she not only wants to help him grow but also grow with him despite time or distance. In addition to this, I live by the belief that the men that become great think outside their mental zipcode. And you? You think beyond that arena to the point I might need a mental passport to make sure we are on the same plane. I mean, I'm not calling you crazy *laughs* I'm just saying your level of thinking is not what I'm used to. It just amazes me that its physically possible that someone understands my thoughts... Its... new... And then I think about how we are in two different places executing two different blueprints but somehow stay parallel on the same escalator to success... I fell even deeper in thought...
*
Its funny that we can have a great conversation for hours and put it on pause for hours/months/days/years and press play as if no time passed. Zip codes change, time zones can be altered, the numbers on the clocks can hastily pass before my eyes but its as though things just never change. Because I can know people for years and still not have that effect. It baffles me. Your the type to ask me how my day was, wonder what I'm thinking, hear my stresses and never hear me, but you listen... and remind me of how great I am and give me words of wisdom to bring me back to a plateau of balance. But know this... I have given you all the keys to unlock the many levels of internal secrets that I keep... But I haven't presented you with all the doors to utilize those keys... Thats just my internal defense mechanism... Its a gradual process... I guess I'm afraid that if I give you too much that I make myself too vulnerable... Being from a dynasty of strong women its hard to willingly expose all the cards you have in your hand in one shot if you are unsure that you are going to win... Its like when someone has a dream that they are standing naked in front of every person they have ever known... Its... scary... You can read me... You know when I'm lying and when there's something wrong or when I have something I really wanna say but I hesitate.. It makes me... Nervous... I'm accustomed to continually creating walls to make sure that doesn't happen but you see through them like a glass door... It... makes me wonder... But in the meantime, I can't just let you see my every thought.. Not quite yet but in due time... Just... trust me...
*
Please don't think that my admiration for you is interpreted as love, but rather I have love for you... Very different... Its just that... Your mystery keeps my mind going like a run-on sentence and I can't help it because its not only that you are everything that I can imagine for a potential but a best friend. Mentally, I'm free from all possible judgement that may exist.. That's how I like it... I get to be ME... You see me the same way I see you... Even though you don't say it, my intuition confirms it. We all know that a woman's intuition tells no tales... I can travel the world ten times over, speak a new language, physically change but I can never change in your eyes... If anything, you notice all my positive traits even more and appreciate the person behind the facade... Deep down inside I KNOW that if, in fact, something ever happened between us, you move on, or things just go awry that you won't just disown me or forget about me... I will still have a best friend I can confide in. That, right there, means more to me than anything in this world... And although our lives travel on different paths intution gives me that feeling that our destinies will intersect like a parallelogram... I mean, it has proven once before so I don't doubt it... All I can do is just... Wait...
*
And as I come down from my high of deep thought of inner feelings mixed with a medley of poetry those same indentations in the wall start making sense again and the professor is staring at me asking "So what do you think, Christina?" I was aware that I was caught in my own oblivion so I just quickly freestyle an answer that sounds like it was relevant to the topic of conversation. Eh, it kinda worked. So, as I evaded that situation of possibly looking stupid with an answer that PROBABLY didn't make sense, I smiled contently. Gosh, I need to pay more attention in class and stop daydreamin'.... That's what deep thought does to me sometimes...
*
My mental playlist kept going and shuffled to something that made me smile even more...
(The Ambitious girl- Wale http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Go_NpsHLatY ) ***exhales deeply***
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